Virginity at age 22.
Two approaches:
1. Sell it. "It became apparent to me that idealized virginity is just a tool to keep women in their place. But then I realized something else: if virginity is considered that valuable, what’s to stop me from benefiting from that?"
2. Keep it. "It is puzzling and disturbing to me that regnant feminism has never acknowledged the empowering value of virginity."
posted by Pater Aletheias (114 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
posted by Pater Aletheias (114 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I blame Title IX, for no good reason.
posted by billysumday at 8:08 AM on January 30, 2009
posted by billysumday at 8:08 AM on January 30, 2009
Call me when a guy's virginity is on sale for 3.8 million.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:12 AM on January 30, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:12 AM on January 30, 2009 [4 favorites]
I'd have given up my virginity for $3.80, but no one would offer that much. I'm just a cheap ho.
posted by jamstigator at 8:14 AM on January 30, 2009
posted by jamstigator at 8:14 AM on January 30, 2009
1. Um, we've established what you are, now we're just haggling over the price.
2. Yeah, just hang on to it, why don't you? I certainly don't want it.
posted by Mental Wimp at 8:14 AM on January 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
2. Yeah, just hang on to it, why don't you? I certainly don't want it.
posted by Mental Wimp at 8:14 AM on January 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
I don't really have anything to say about the idea in (1), I've got to think about this some more. But she should get her facts straight:
...college taught me that this concept is just a tool to keep the status quo intact. Deflowering is historically oppressive—early European marriages began with a dowry, in which a father would sell his virginal daughter to the man whose family could offer the most agricultural wealth. Dads were basically their daughters’ pimps.
Dowries in fact consisted of wealth given by the family of the bride to the groom, not the other way around. This is not to say that the traditions involved in marriage weren't oppressive to women, but it's pretty important to get the basic facts correct.
posted by voltairemodern at 8:16 AM on January 30, 2009 [10 favorites]
...college taught me that this concept is just a tool to keep the status quo intact. Deflowering is historically oppressive—early European marriages began with a dowry, in which a father would sell his virginal daughter to the man whose family could offer the most agricultural wealth. Dads were basically their daughters’ pimps.
Dowries in fact consisted of wealth given by the family of the bride to the groom, not the other way around. This is not to say that the traditions involved in marriage weren't oppressive to women, but it's pretty important to get the basic facts correct.
posted by voltairemodern at 8:16 AM on January 30, 2009 [10 favorites]
"It is puzzling and disturbing to me that regnant feminism has never acknowledged the empowering value of virginity."
Not surprising that that was written by a virgin. I'd like to believe that the regnant feminists realized that sex is, you know, an enjoyable and worthwhile activity, and they'd like to be empowered in a way that doesn't require them to abstain. There's no point to empowerment if it forces you to deny yourself something you can have at little to no cost while remaining empowered.
posted by The Michael The at 8:18 AM on January 30, 2009 [6 favorites]
Not surprising that that was written by a virgin. I'd like to believe that the regnant feminists realized that sex is, you know, an enjoyable and worthwhile activity, and they'd like to be empowered in a way that doesn't require them to abstain. There's no point to empowerment if it forces you to deny yourself something you can have at little to no cost while remaining empowered.
posted by The Michael The at 8:18 AM on January 30, 2009 [6 favorites]
Hmmm... I think, if I'm recalling my fast food life correctly, that I'm a Whopper Virgin. I wonder if Burger King would give me 3.8 million to deflower myself.
posted by XMLicious at 8:19 AM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by XMLicious at 8:19 AM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]
C. If you're a man, beg someone to take it.
As "good" as it is for a woman to keep her virginity, it's that "bad" for a man to keep his. Thanks organized religion!
posted by Mister_A at 8:20 AM on January 30, 2009
As "good" as it is for a woman to keep her virginity, it's that "bad" for a man to keep his. Thanks organized religion!
posted by Mister_A at 8:20 AM on January 30, 2009
The second article mostly just confuses virginity with celibacy.
posted by Tomorrowful at 8:21 AM on January 30, 2009
posted by Tomorrowful at 8:21 AM on January 30, 2009
> And who ever heard of a man purchasing a glossy magazine to learn the secret of snagging a wife?
Underneath all the macho bullshit posturing, learning how to better yourself in order to "snag a wife" is what most men's magazines are really about.
posted by you just lost the game at 8:23 AM on January 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
Underneath all the macho bullshit posturing, learning how to better yourself in order to "snag a wife" is what most men's magazines are really about.
posted by you just lost the game at 8:23 AM on January 30, 2009 [2 favorites]
I’m enough of a country bumpkin to suspect that contraceptives might not be enough to prevent an unwanted pregnancy or disease, and I think that abortion is killing a baby.
What the hell. I am from South Dakota, land of Leslie Unruh and "Let's put an anti-abortion bill on the ballot again this year," and I am intelligent enough to talk to a friggin' doctor and get the damn facts. If you're going to be stupid about your reproductive health, maybe you're right -- you shouldn't be having sex!!
posted by sararah at 8:23 AM on January 30, 2009
What the hell. I am from South Dakota, land of Leslie Unruh and "Let's put an anti-abortion bill on the ballot again this year," and I am intelligent enough to talk to a friggin' doctor and get the damn facts. If you're going to be stupid about your reproductive health, maybe you're right -- you shouldn't be having sex!!
posted by sararah at 8:23 AM on January 30, 2009
$3.8 million the first time, $20 (the same as in town) thereafter
posted by ElvisJesus at 8:23 AM on January 30, 2009
posted by ElvisJesus at 8:23 AM on January 30, 2009
I decided to flip the equation, and turn my virginity into something that allows me to gain power and opportunity from men.
This statement from the first link bothers me the most. By all means, do what you like with your virginity, but using it as opportunity to "gain power and opportunity from men" is still playing the usual sex/power game. Women have been sleeping with men for power and money since the beginning of time. You're not flipping anything, you're just getting a bigger payoff. If you're ok with that, great, but don't pretend you're doing something new and radical.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:24 AM on January 30, 2009 [5 favorites]
This statement from the first link bothers me the most. By all means, do what you like with your virginity, but using it as opportunity to "gain power and opportunity from men" is still playing the usual sex/power game. Women have been sleeping with men for power and money since the beginning of time. You're not flipping anything, you're just getting a bigger payoff. If you're ok with that, great, but don't pretend you're doing something new and radical.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:24 AM on January 30, 2009 [5 favorites]
if virginity is considered that valuable...
Is it, though? I know it is talked about that way, but is it really considered valuable? I'm not that interested, but I guess we'll see what it goes for. Although it really needs a more controlled study--people pay for sex even if they aren't virgins, so what's really being purchased here?
posted by DU at 8:25 AM on January 30, 2009
Is it, though? I know it is talked about that way, but is it really considered valuable? I'm not that interested, but I guess we'll see what it goes for. Although it really needs a more controlled study--people pay for sex even if they aren't virgins, so what's really being purchased here?
posted by DU at 8:25 AM on January 30, 2009
I have Em & Lo's book of sexual etiquette sitting on my shelf, something I bought with an ex a while ago. It has a page of tips for how to make a female (I hesitate to use either the word woman or girl in this context) feel comfortable for her first sexual experience. For a guy (a word for which there is no female equivalent, as chick has different connotations to me), it has one tip: "be on time."
posted by Hactar at 8:26 AM on January 30, 2009
posted by Hactar at 8:26 AM on January 30, 2009
For a guy (a word for which there is no female equivalent, as chick has different connotations to me)
Gal.
posted by fleetmouse at 8:31 AM on January 30, 2009
Gal.
posted by fleetmouse at 8:31 AM on January 30, 2009
learning how to better yourself in order to "snag a wife" is what most men's magazines are really about
I think you're confusing men's magazines with Cosmopolitan.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:32 AM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]
I think you're confusing men's magazines with Cosmopolitan.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:32 AM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]
The sale of a woman's virginity for a high price was one of the main plotlines in the fiction-told-as-fact novel Memoirs of a Geisha. The book made it sound like this was common practice among the Geishas.
posted by eye of newt at 8:37 AM on January 30, 2009
posted by eye of newt at 8:37 AM on January 30, 2009
You know, I don't have a moral problem with women - any woman, virgin or not - selling her body for profit. Anyone who does so is merely using her physical attributes for gain, and the only reason we as a society look at it any differently than, say, a muscular guy who plays professional football, is because we have this fucked-up attitude that sex is something that men do to women (as opposed to with) and any woman who has sex for any reason outside of procreation (or, if you have a fairly liberal attitude towards sex, pleasure) must be mentally ill in some way. The other problem is that prostitution has become so demonized that it is forced underground, where women are forced to work in unsafe conditions, for lower pay than they could probably make if it were considered a legitimate profession. As a result many of the women who become prostitutes are desperate or otherwise on the lower rungs of society, which means they and the profession are stigmatized even further. It's a vicious circle.
Millions of dollars for (maybe) an hour's work? Good on her, and anyone who thinks she's somehow debased by this transaction has more in common with religious puritans than they might care to admit. If you're a guy and you disapprove of her actions and have jerked off to internet porn you're a hypocrite. When she's a millionaire I hope she hires one of the guys bitching about her "loose morals" to mow her lawn or something.
posted by Stonewall Jackson at 8:38 AM on January 30, 2009 [20 favorites]
Millions of dollars for (maybe) an hour's work? Good on her, and anyone who thinks she's somehow debased by this transaction has more in common with religious puritans than they might care to admit. If you're a guy and you disapprove of her actions and have jerked off to internet porn you're a hypocrite. When she's a millionaire I hope she hires one of the guys bitching about her "loose morals" to mow her lawn or something.
posted by Stonewall Jackson at 8:38 AM on January 30, 2009 [20 favorites]
The first essay sounds, to me, like someone who's trying too hard to prove a point. Does she really want to sleep with a random man for money, or is she trying to prove that morals are arbitrary? Using your own sexuality as a blunt weapon in some ideological skirmish is the kind of thing that only really young people think is a good idea. I suspect in a few years her gender studies ideas will seem more like the lifeless abstractions they are, and she'll have a much different perspective.
Not that lifeless abstractions are so bad -- I study philosophy myself -- but really, she shouldn't live her life out of a textbook,
posted by creasy boy at 8:40 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
Not that lifeless abstractions are so bad -- I study philosophy myself -- but really, she shouldn't live her life out of a textbook,
posted by creasy boy at 8:40 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]
I always new my first sexual experience was missing something... stirrups, forceps, and a checkbook.
I mean, who shells out ANY money for this without confirming a hymen? Besides, if she was a real entrepreneur, she'd have a pay-per-view event to go with it.
posted by butterstick at 8:44 AM on January 30, 2009
I mean, who shells out ANY money for this without confirming a hymen? Besides, if she was a real entrepreneur, she'd have a pay-per-view event to go with it.
posted by butterstick at 8:44 AM on January 30, 2009
Dowries in fact consisted of wealth given by the family of the bride to the groom, not the other way around.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 8:06 AM on January 30, 2009